BBC Radio Upload with Alice Dale

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What does it mean to “blend in” when the world was never built to hold your shape in the first place?

With ‘Chameleon’, I wanted to challenge the idea that “blending in” means total self-erasure. We’ve all been Chameleons at one point or another, whether intentionally or by force. I wrote ‘Chameleon’ to explore how so many of us – especially autistic women and people of marginalised genders – mask ourselves daily to survive in a world that punishes difference. Masking becomes the default and, eventually, you forget where the performance ends and where you begin. 

But this play isn’t just about trauma, it’s about resistance. Chameleon’s journey of reclaiming her identity and reimagining herself outside the expectations constantly placed on her allows us to question where we are forcing ourselves to blend in. By allowing ourselves to stand out, we start to uncover new parts of ourselves we never knew were there and shed a bit of our camouflage too. 

How do you navigate being misinterpreted by a neurotypical audience while staying authentic?

Initially, I found myself masking even in the script, worried about alienating audiences. I feared that being honest about the parts of being autistic that I really struggle with – that I find debilitating – might be too much, for both a neurotypical and neurodivergent audience. 

But at the same time, being autistic is my reality, it is central to my identity. There’s so many amazing things about it that shape how I see and navigate the world and I wouldn’t change that for anything. 

‘Chamelelon’ is about what it’s like to feel out of place, to laugh at the wrong time, and to feel like you’re never getting it “quite right”. It’s grounded in my autistic experience, but it’s not exclusive to it. 

Also, the beauty of theatre is that it’s subjective. Each person interprets what they saw on stage  differently, and I enjoy hearing every single take, even when it differs from what I expected. But if the choice is between being misunderstood or being inauthentic, I’ll always choose to be authentic in my writing.  

To mark World Autism Acceptance Month, we caught up with writer-director Jess Telling to talk about her autistic experience, authentic representation, and her play Chameleon.

What was your initial inspiration for writing Chameleon? 

Chameleon came to me in the middle of the night, a regular time for my writing inspiration to strike I’ve found. I was surprising my mum for her birthday and as I was trying to fall asleep in my childhood bedroom, all I could think about was the previous experiences I’d had as a teenager, both the good and the bad, and how much I’ve changed as a person. It initially began as a monologue on dating as an autistic woman but, as I continued writing, I realised how much more I had to say about my autistic experiences -particularly, the intersectionality between my past experiences of emotional abuse and my autistic journey.

I remembered how alone I felt when I would be sat in that bedroom, dealing with abuse that I couldn’t comprehend, in a world that I felt didn’t understand my authentic, autistic self. So, I wrote the play that I wished I could’ve seen during that time and to offer a sense of comfort for other autistic women - voices that remain underrepresented in theatre - who may also feel alone. 

It’s been wonderful meeting the incredibly brave women who have spoken to myself and the creative team after seeing the show who shared their stories with us and I’m glad to know that Chameleon is a show that has made at least one person feel less alone. 

From your experience, how do you feel about the current representation of autism and the neurodivergent community in theatre and entertainment as a whole?  

Since autistic and neurodivergent people are all so widely different, when it comes to representation, we and our experiences don’t all fit into one neat box. Each neurodivergent person’s experience may or may not be different to the next person’s but, despite that, when it comes to authentic representation, I think the most important thing is that its done with due thought, process and care with genuine intention to represent autistic people to the best of your abilities. 

For me, I’ve always been very open that Chameleon has been based on my experiences and it shouldn’t be used as a template for what every autistic woman’s experience will be like. I’ve had people come up to me after shows saying it felt eerily similar and then, other people saying that there were some bits they found relatable and other parts, not so much. But, that’s all valuable feedback and the most important thing is that these conversations are even happening in the first place. Autistic people should always be involved in conversations about representation, whether that’s through focus groups, collaborating with autistic people with lived experiences, or reaching out via social media. 

When it comes to representing these underserved identities, it is imperative to continue learning and researching. I always say that Chameleon is constantly in development, particularly in having ongoing conversations with autistic people about our work. 

The question that everyone in theatre and the entertainment industry should be asking themselves when considering autistic representation is a simple one: where can we do more and how can we show up for our community?

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